He's got the whole world in his hands

It's a GORGEOUS day here in NJ, in the 70s, blue skies...absolutely fabulous. My mom is having a dinner party tonight, so I went with her to run errands. We went to West Elm, to get some lanterns for our table outside, and they had these cans of San Pellegrino Limonada on display. Now, my dad is addicted to Limonada and has taken to complaining that they should come in larger sizes, since the ones our local grocery store sells are in itty bitty bottles. So, you know, when we saw normal sized cans there, we had to find out where they got them. Whole Foods. Who'd a thunk it?

So, I pretty much coerce my mother into going to Whole Foods, and I decided I had to record our maiden voyage for posterity: Walk through the doors into a GORGEOUS display of flowers. Massive pink peonies. To die for. Had to leave that area quickly, obviously. Too bad. Anyway, we start walking around and we find the Limonada fairly quickly, stock up. Four six packs = yumminess. Mama also needed paper towels and sponges, so we locate the single paper goods aisle, and it's hysterical. There are more Luna bars than there are paper towels, and of course, the towels are that scratchy, recycled brown paper kind. So, whatever. We get some of those. Move down the aisle. There are two choices of tin foil (since, you know, tin foil is non recycleable), about five boxes of saran wrap, and a few boxes of plastic bags. And then, there are a few scrubby sponges shoved in next to them. My mom and I are looking at each other ready to start laughing. We continue down the aisle to find that the only other sponges they have are shaped like animals and have the ability to hang from the faucet, if the consumer so desires.

Which consumer wants an animal shaped sponge hanging from a faucet?

We pass on the sponges, make it down the rest of the aisle, and my mom stops and looks at the list: Four D Batteries. "Surely, surely they have batteries," my mom says. She turns around and asks the sales person if they have batteries and the person's face goes blank. "Batteries?" she replies. "I don't think we have batteries." At this point, my mom and I just look at each other and try not to laugh. She sales person consults a bagger, and says, "We have rechargeable batteries. I guess you'll just have to go back to Staples, right?" Snooty sales person. Right. Staples. Sorry our batteries are killing your Green philosophy.

After that, we go to the check out and the woman who is scanning everything cannot manage the Limonada. Just can't do it. The cans keep on scanning individually, so she has to delete the can, scan the box, rinse, repeat. After she's done, my mom and I look up at the screen that shows what she scanned and the price and what not, and we're like, "That's not right." She had scanned three of the four Limonada packs and a can, instead of just four packs. We point it out to her three times, and she just doesn't want to hear it, so we give up. And then the bagger asks, you know, "paper or plastic." When my mom said plastic, I was so sure the entire place was going to stop and stare. Honestly. We pretty much high-tailed it out of there after that, and burst out laughing in the parking lot.

I love my mama. And I think I'm going to have to examine Whole Foods and see what lies within... And probably buy some flowers, too.