I think I discovered why I can't sleep.

Why can't I, you ask? I asked myself the same question, morning after morning, and I think I've arrived at my answer: I am in full freak out mode. Not like spaz-mode or anything, just worry about everything that I possibly can even though things will be fine mode. Yeah, that last one. What do I worry about?

1. Starting September 1st, I will be a paid editor for hangPROUD which ROCKS. It also kinda sucks, too, because HP isn't withholding taxes from my paycheck, which means I have to do it. Myself. Me. (I still don't have the whole credit card theory down yet. I need a math class. Badly.)

2. At 3:00 one morning, I decided to make a mental list of everything I need to buy for school. I got to Post Its, and then, all I could think about for another hour was Post Its. Talk about shooting yourself in the foot...

3. School schedule. I have a kick bum schedule. It rocks, really. But I keep having dreams (just like I have before each semester) that somehow, I will forget a really important class. And always, in these dreams, the campus is totally not the Richmond campus. It always starts off like Richmond (well, it has the big hill that leads up to LoRo), and then it gets crazy weird. Last night, the Deanery turned into a MASSIVE gym. And about a week ago, their was this weird subway system that you had to use to get from one building to the other. I woke up fairly confident that I could use the subway in NY, for some reason, but was petrified that I had missed something important.

4. After dabbling with Ed2010 and reading all of the posts by other neurotic wannabe editors, I am freaking out (again) about: Getting a job as an editor, whether I want to be in print or online or in publishing, wondering if I'm any good at what I do, if I'll be able to support myself, possibly not wanting to live in NYC, whether I should suck it up and major in journalism...it goes on and on.

5. Theatre. I don't think I want to do it (the major) anymore. And I don't want to take PS2, really, but I feel obligated. Which sucks. And I really want to be involved, but at the same time, thanks to all of the ED2010 people, I feel like I need to spend more time working on my "craft" and less time "playing" with my theatre people but I LOVE my theatre people. But I think I would die if I tried to do both.

6. And finally, the future. Career aside, because I really am confident that I'll be able to do what I want to do, whatever that is...what about my family? I want to get married soon after college, I want to be a young mother, and I really want to be there for my kids. I don't want to be stuck in a job that I may love but might force me to be constantly at work. And then there's other things that I really ought not to worry about that extend this whole dilemma, but of course, I worry about them anyway.

So, in short, all of these reasons are why I cannot sleep.